Gifts from surgery recovery

As a pharmacist and health and wellness coach, I felt as prepared as possible heading into my total knee replacement Aug. 29. With the looming nursing strike in our community hospitals, I did my pre surgery exercises and appointments knowing there would be circumstances that I could not control. Fortunately, there was a full and amazing team of health care providers on staff for my surgery and hospital stay.

As recovery from surgery and trauma goes, there have been ups and downs. The practice of mindfulness, being in the present moment with what is with as little judgment as possible, has become an epic practice. My mind-body practices of deep breathing, biofeedback and listening to therapeutic music have been daily occurrences. 

The first couple weeks were a blur. There were earth angels daily supporting me with meals, overnight stays, and numerous well wishes. PT and OT came to the house to teach me how to stay safe and begin my journey to recover the range of motion in my knee. As I moved into weeks three and four, my nerves began to wake up and repair themselves creating pain up and down my leg. 

My body’s innate wisdom has been front and center leading in letting me know what most serves its recovery. I have truly been in awe and wonder at the innate process of body repairing the traumatized tissues in my leg. Inflammation, nausea, pain, and restlessness required attention. Sleep and my rigorous twice daily home PT exercises have also been a top priority. 

Skilled practitioners providing integrative therapies of healing touch, massage, Reiki, microcurrent, homeopathy, herbs, Bemer and Biomat therapy, reflexology, essential oils, and guided meditation have contributed positively to my recovery. We live in a community of abundance of brilliant and well-trained health and wellness professionals. So appreciating our wonderful order and pick-up restaurants and shops, too. The beautiful fall weather this past month has allowed me time on the deck with nature and friends. What gifts! These moments being flooded with gratitude have supported my healing process.

The memories of previous trauma also surfaced into my awareness. This being my first surgery, I was surprised to feel triggered with inner anguish remembering my 37-year-old sister’s death three days after having leg surgery. This trauma I experienced lived in my cells and reemerged for deeper healing and releasing. I have done more reading and talking to people about the way trauma is stored in our body and their mind-body experiences as they recalled past related suffering. The recovery and healing are like peeling an onion, one layer at a time. 

This process has been humbling as I feel vulnerable, raw and groggy. As a holistic coach, I support my clients and students as they make sustainable choices to live a more authentic and empowered life. As I recover from this knee surgery, I am the receiver not the giver – triggering a buried belief it is superior to give over receiving. Inner self talk told me I need to have my own back, pull myself up by my bootstraps, and be independent. I had attached the belief that I am somehow indebted, owe or obligated when I receive. Where did I learn I need to earn my keep before deserving support, love, and kindness? My capacity to unconditionally love has expanded, realizing how conditionally I have received love. 

So, I continue to practice relying on my amazing support system. Friends and family are providing rides, meals, help with chores, and inspiring dialogues. Having a strong network of caring people in our lives supports our wellbeing no matter what circumstances we are living through, from joy and sorrow to impatience and contentment. 

I am curious – on the other side of this healing process – how the lasting effects of this experience will impact my identity, my ability to love and to serve. As I return to my coaching practice, I treasure even more deeply the tender authentic conversations with my clients. For now, I am living in the present moment, attending to what is arising and required. I am practicing gratitude throughout my day.